What do you want to be when you grow up?: A personal guide to not being a paediatric doctor.

As a student, you are likely confronted with the daunting question, “What do you want to do with your life?”

While it’s perfectly normal to feel uncertain about your future, it’s also an exciting opportunity to learn and discover your passions.

In Nigerian schools and their education systems, there isn’t always an environment that fosters the exploration of one’s interests and passions. The system often follows a straightforward path: upon reaching secondary school, students are expected to choose between arts, sciences or commerce. Deviating thing from this choice is often met with judgements of being unfocused or lacking clear goals.

Allow me to emphasise a crucial point: Not having a definitive plan or clear sense of your future goals at the age of 16, 18 or any point is not unreasonable. It’s entirely normal. Sometimes you have a direction, and then you change your mind, and that’s perfectly acceptable. You can even change your mind at the age of 30; humans are not inherently limited to enjoying only one thing. You grow, you evolve and you discover more about yourself, and you should have the freedom to explore those discoveries. Embrace the journey of self-discovery; it’s a vital part of your personal and professional development.

By age 12, lots of Nigerian kids are thrown the hard-hitting question, “ So, what are you planning to study?” or "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Storytime!

On several occasions, I responded to the above question with uncertainty because, truthfully, I didn’t have a clear idea. However, the typical rejoinder was,

“Why don’t you know? You should know by now”

To avoid looking silly, I decided to tell everyone I aspired to be a paediatric doctor. One thing I was certain of was my desire to work with children, and in Nigerian culture expression, aspirations to be a doctor are met with great admiration. As I’ve mentioned before, I relished being seen as a smart and determined young girl. I am a recovering people pleaser. Thus, “Subomi, the paediatric doctor” became my self-imposed narrative.

Yet, deep down, I knew I was deceiving myself. I detested hospitals- their smells, and the sight of blood were manageable, but I couldn’t bear looking at wounds. If someone vomited nearby, I’d survive but I will not forgive them. So, why on earth was I considering a career in medicine?

Nonetheless, I maintained the facade when I reached sixth form. I selected subjects- Math, biology, and Chemistry- perfect for a paediatric doctor. However, when it became evident that I was excelling and even worse, would probably get into medical school, I swiftly revised my university application to focus on pharmacy and biomedical science. I convinced myself that I’d enjoy It because I didn’t dislike science subjects; in fact, they intrigued me, How bad could it be? ( BAD).

I was admitted to the university for pharmacy, but by the end of my first year, I realised I loathed it. There was no more self-deception. There was room for it. This became evident during hospital placements when I found myself repeatedly checking the clock, each hour seemingly lasting just a minute.

In short, I fought vigorously against being a pharmacist. The larger question loomed: "What now?” It seemed like everyone asked me this daily. It was both exhausting and to some extent, unnecessary. Nevertheless, the truth was that I had to embark on a journey of self-discovery.

Then came March 2020, and we were amid a lockdown. I remember numerous conversations with close friends telling them I had no passion.

“I feel empty and indifferent about everything,”

I hated feeling this way. It upset me even more because it felt like all my friends seemed to have something they were passionate about. Even if they were not, studying their dream subjects, they had a clear sense of aspiration, while I remained clueless.

So, I bought a book. “What colour is your Parachute?” By Richard N. Bolles, hoping it would guide me toward a career path. It did help but not quite enough. I was still very uncertain.

I realised that before I could determine my career path, I needed to understand who Subomi truly was and what Subomi genuinely wanted. This process took time, along with considerable mental and emotional energy. The thought of having nothing was scary.

-Story break

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Transforming your life’s trajectory is undeniably challenging. Attempting to discern your capabilities and passions requires substantial self-discovery, an endeavour in which Nigerian schools often fall short. Surprisingly, and unfortunately, everything I know about myself, I learned outside the conventional classroom setting.

I unearthed my affinity for working with children through babysitting and volunteering at my aunt’s Montessori school.

My love for baking blossomed during fun-filled summer classes with friends.

Event planning and project management became my passions as I worked with my mother and her business. Ironically, my aversion to hospitals became apparent during a work experience stint at my mother’s friend's medical facility. While I revelled in engaging with the staff, including nurses, doctors, and patients, the clinical duties left me feeling faint.

In brief, my pre-university self-awareness stemmed from my mother’s insistence on engaging in diverse activities during holidays. Nevertheless, I still grappled with piecing together a coherent career path. I had time to figure it out, but it also felt like there was no time left.

I firmly believe that deep down, everyone possesses an inkling of what they enjoy and what they might want to do. This might change over time. However, the challenge lies in synthesising these fragments and summoning the courage to deviate from societal expectations, particularly those imposed by Nigerian adults in our lives, consciously and unconsciously. The issue stems from the current educational system, which stifles creative thinking and prematurely pigeonholes students into narrow fields of study from a young age.

It is unreasonable to expect 14-year-olds to determine whether they are inclined toward the arts, sciences or other categories. They deserve the opportunity to explore a breadth of subjects and learn to weave the beauty of every facet of education into their aspiration.

Mathematics, for instance, isn’t merely about training engineers or physicists; it teaches methodical and sequential thinking, cultivating problem-solving abilities. English and language subjects extend beyond crafting writers; they hone communication skills and the art of persuasive language. History isn’t solely about memorising dates; it imparts the wisdom to learn from the past and shape a brighter future. The essence here is that subjects we study in schools serve a more profound purpose- they cultivate critical thinking, creativity, adaptability, and lifelong learning. Unfortunately, we have lost sight of the art of learning, reducing it to a mechanistic process where math and science students become engineers and doctors, while literary students are funnelled into law.

Yes, some individuals may be able to discern their career aspirations at a young age, but even then, students should have the latitude to explore beyond these confines. It would either develop their career aspirations or give them more. What's the harm?

There should be basic knowledge of everything. Sometimes, it is not about the actual subjects that you are taking but the discussions you have when you teach certain topics that spark curiosity.

I loved biology because I was fascinated by blood (believe it or not) and diseases; I once engaged in a spirited debate with my biology teacher on sickle cell treatment. I know she thought I was silly. I feel silly now that I know the deeper science behind it but it intrigued me so I learned everything about it and passed it.

I loved mathematics because of its structured approach and organised thinking.

I loved history and its narratives and the opportunity to evaluate right and wrong, while literature enchanted me with its world of writers and their storytelling.

All these experiences have significantly contributed to my present self. Eliminating any of these blocks during my formative years would have profoundly influenced my thought processes, interpersonal relationships, and the discovery of my passions. Students and children should be granted the freedom to explore a wide spectrum of knowledge and postpone crucial decisions about their life paths until they have had the opportunity to discover who they truly are.

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-Story continuing

I meticulously underlined and highlighted key insights, along with devouring every available 'Struthless' YouTube video. My determination to figure things out was unwavering (at that point).

Simultaneously I secured a job on campus as an Equality, Diversity and Inclusion Student Ambassador.

Surprisingly, this role broadened my horizons and connected the dots had been striving to link through the books and videos. It gave me newfound confidence, honed my interpersonal skills and taught me effective communication and persuasion to make change. Most significantly, it allowed me to be authentically myself.

It also illuminated the realities of education and public health systems, which was my connecting dot.

I didn’t know what I was going to do with it till I spoke to a friend about it one day and she said,

“Subomi, you should start a blog” and here we are.

From that pivotal moment, every decision I’ve made has been significantly clearer and easier to navigate because I now possess a well-defined goal. I am also open to this goal evolving and changing forms in different phases of my life.

Disclaimer: This is years of a still ongoing “self-discovery” process put into a couple of paragraphs. I gave up at a point in time and just complained. I stopped doing things. This is why you need people. To let you know when you are insane.

Bigger Disclaimer: If you want to be a paediatric doctor, please be the best one. I am not the blueprint. Healthcare professionals along with teachers are the backbone of any society.

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Guide for schools:

• Integrate life skills education into the curriculum: It's imperative to infuse life skills education seamlessly into the curriculum. Teach students the vital art of emotional intelligence, effective time management, stress resilience, and conflict resolution. These skills are not just useful; they are indispensable for personal growth and self-awareness.

Facilitate career guidance and exploration: Career fairs, when done right, are a commendable initiative in some of our schools. One suggestion to enhance their impact is to bring in speakers closer in age to the students they aim to inspire. It's a well-established fact that students connect more profoundly with speakers they can relate to. Bridging the generation gap is essential, as the teenage years today differ significantly from those of previous generations.

Elevate the role of extracurricular activities: Clubs, sports, arts, and community service are avenues that can help students unearth their diverse passions and talents, extending beyond the confines of the classroom. However, it's worth noting that, more often than not, Nigerians tend to view these activities as secondary to academics.

A friendly reminder to parents reading this: every successful athlete we admire today had unwavering parental support. From Richard Williams for the Williams sisters, Serena and Venus, to Michael Jordan and his mother, and David Beckham and his father – be supportive and invest in your child's interests.

Empower students with choices: Give students a degree of autonomy in their learning journey. Allow them to select projects, research topics, or elective courses based on their interests. When students have a say in their education, they become more engaged and self-directed learners. This approach also illuminates their genuine interests and passions.

• Champion character education: An alarming deficiency in our society today is the lack of character. We must integrate values like empathy, integrity, and responsibility into the curriculum. In Nigeria, empathy often takes a back seat to self-interest and empathy is not sympathy. It's crucial to impress upon children that their actions have far-reaching consequences beyond their eco-chambers.

• Revise the traditional question: Instead of asking students, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" we should encourage more meaningful inquiries, such as:

  • What subjects or topics do you enjoy learning about?

  • What hobbies bring you joy?

  • What excites you and sparks your curiosity?

These questions can foster a deeper understanding of student's interests and aspirations, guiding them on a path towards self-discovery and purposeful education.

You can be an engineer, a baker and a dancer if you wish. Your life does not have to move in a linear motion. You can take up different forms.

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Tips for Students trying to decide their career path or change it:

• Self-reflection: this is a concept that can sometimes feel vague and elusive, however, it is a vital practice for self-discovery. While I understand the reluctance many have towards it, taking the time to understand your interests, strengths, values, and aspirations is crucial. To initiate this process, consider asking yourself thought-provoking questions:

  • What activities absorb me so completely that I lose track of time?

  • Which subjects or topics genuinely captivate my interest?

  • What unique strengths and talents do I possess?

  • What kind of impact do I hope to make on the world?

  • What are the core values and principles that guide my life?

  • What do I hate? (sometimes, it helps to shortlist)

However, it's essential to recognise that questioning alone won't suffice. My top recommendation is to actively engage with the world around you and engage in meaningful conversations with a diverse range of people.

Admittedly, this wasn't a skill that came naturally to me. The truth is, not everyone is an innate conversationalist, and for many of us, it takes effort and perseverance. While it might initially seem taxing and draining, once you build that confidence, your social interactions will soar.

Networking: This is often an underrated skill, and plays a pivotal role in our lives. Human beings are inherently social creatures who rely on each other for inspiration, education, and mutual growth. Never forget that you always have something valuable to offer someone, and, conversely, they likely have insights and experiences to enrich your life as well.

Maintaining an open mind: An open mind is another crucial aspect of self-discovery. Starting a blog, for instance, initially seemed absurd to me, as I had to develop writing skills to feed this platform. Keeping an open mind can lead you to unexpected places and introduce you to people you might have never imagined meeting.

Embracing failure: Learning and growing come with its 3rd wheel friend, failure. You can’t escape him. View it as an opportunity to learn, adapt and improve.

I'm still learning to deal with failing. Thinking of it as part of the process and not the end is how I get through setbacks.

Finally, a robust support system can be the cornerstone of your progress. The people you surround yourself with are often instrumental in your personal and professional development. I owe much of my achievements to the incredible individuals in my life who have consistently pushed and inspired me. This blog, for instance, might not have come to fruition without their unwavering support. Find your people and keep them close; they may very well be the catalysts for transformative change in your life.

See you soon!