This article is in collaboration with Oyinkan Olagbaju, BSN.
In the heart of many Nigerian households, an unspoken but profoundly ingrained tradition exists that has lingered for generations. It’s a culture so subtle that it often goes unnoticed, yet it leaves an indelible mark on the minds and hearts of children as they grow into adults.
Hush culture revolves around silence, non-disclosure, and a lack of dialogue about meaningful topics, most notably around Sex education, relationships and the concept of consent.
Growing up Nigerian, I, like many others, were raised in environments where discussing sensitive topics such as sex was considered taboo.
Silence often prevailed, leaving crucial discussions unspoken, questions unanswered, and boundaries unexplored. We must recognise the significance of initiating conversations around sex education and consent with our children, dismantling the silence that has for so long shrouded this vital topic.
This article will explore everything they said “hush” to!
Hushh... We don't seek CONSENT!
According to Unicef Nigeria, 1 in 4 girls and 10 per cent of boys have been victims of sexual violence. These are the statistics of those that have been reported.
For so many children in our community, the societal norm is to stay silent.
In cultures where consent is not adequately addressed, victim-blaming attitudes may persist. Individuals who experience non-consensual situations may be hesitant to come forward and may face scepticism or blame if they do.
This is something we have seen time and time again in Nigeria, from students in primary school to the older generations. Victim blaming does not end.
This culture of silence perpetuates harmful gender stereotypes and beliefs that contribute to non-consensual behaviours; when discussions about consent are absent, it may reinforce traditional power imbalances and attitudes that can lead to coercing or even assault.
This topic must be addressed from a young age in children- to a certain degree.
Sexual assault predominantly impacts women in society from when they are babies, and it remains a critical issue; however, it’s essential to recognise sexual assault is not exclusive to one gender. Many young boys also experience sexual assault at a young age, often without fully comprehending the nature of the experiences they’ve endured.
Then everyone stays quiet because of society and the victim blaming and shaming.
In many ways, primary school is the crucial stage for education about consent because, as with so many things, habits established in childhood will be most enduring.
The Relationships, Sex and Health Education (RSHE) states in relationships education in primary school,
Understanding this concept is the forerunner to teaching about consent in secondary school.
The main thing at primary school should be establishing the idea of boundaries and consent.
It is also very vital to teach children safe and unsafe touches.
Here is a fantastic video that explains this in a child-friendly way!
Video for higher grades
All schools need to develop a culture in which students are encouraged to talk to their teachers about their concerns around consent, and teachers are comfortable talking to their students.
The critical outcomes of consent education are that young people understand how to recognise and report harassment and sexual violence, that teachers understand how to look for signs of harassment and violence, and how to talk to students if there are concerns.
If both these things are in place, then schools will be able to do a lot to break through the broader problem that society has in the fight against sexual violence.
Hush…You are too young to have feelings.
As children grow, they become increasingly interested in social interactions. They start to form friendships and develop preferences for specific individuals, often leading to the emergence of crushes.
They are also keen observers and often mimic the behaviours they see in adults or older children around them. They may start to do the same if they see affection or admiration. Love is in the community and all around them. They are bound to have crushes. They see relationships in television shows, books and movies depicting a crush. The truth is at young ages and in the early stages, crushes among young children are typically innocent and not driven by romantic or sexual feelings. They often express admiration, friendship and affection rather than complex romantic desires.
Why is there a problem with allowing these feelings to be expressed? Why should they hush?
Acknowledging and discussing these feelings in a healthy and age-appropriate manner can help children navigate their emotions and learn about respect, boundaries and healthy relationships as they grow and develop.
These early crushes should not be confused with more mature romantic relationships, as they are a natural part of a child’s social and emotional development.
What activities can you do to promote empathy?
You can also have students brainstorm independently by passing out a notecard to each child and instructing them to write down something nice someone else did for them lately and how it made them feel. Once the students are done, collect the notecards and read them aloud to help them understand acts of kindness.
For more information on how to incorporate kindness and empathy into a curriculum,
click on the link below!
"Random Acts of Kindness Foundation"
It is a practical, evidence-based, social-emotional learning curriculum focused worldwide on equity, teacher self-care, digital citizenship and kindness.
Creating a safe and supportive environment in schools is a significant part of a child’s life, and teachers can provide a safe and supportive space for children to discuss their feelings and experiences, including crushes. Creating an environment where children feel comfortable discussing their emotions can help them navigate their feelings more healthily.
It will drastically reduce students making poor decisions about sex, relationships and more. It is better than keeping quiet and expecting people who have no idea what they are doing to navigate it with little to no knowledge.
Hush... Don’t speak about contraception, abstain!
Abstinence is an important message, but it may not always align with the realities of student’s lives.
By teaching safe sex practices, educators equip students with the knowledge and skills they may need if they choose to engage in sexual activity. These practical preparations help reduce the risks associated with unprotected sex.
As I said in the 1st article, Sex education is Health education! And it should be treated as that.
Encouraging safe sex practices will significantly reduce the transmission of STIs and the number of unintended pregnancies. Providing information about contraception and protection methods can help students make responsible choices and take control of their sexual health.
Access to comprehensive sex education is a matter of health equity. Students from different backgrounds may have varying levels of access to sexual health resources and information. Comprehensive sex education ensures that all students, regardless of their socioeconomic status or background, have access to knowledge and skills to make healthy choices.
These will respect the values and choices of individual students; it acknowledges that different individuals may choose to abstain from sex for various reasons, including personal, cultural or religious beliefs. However, it also recognises that some students may choose to engage in sexual activity and should have the knowledge to do so safely.
Hush… Don’t tell anyone about your STI or that you are pregnant.
The silence surrounding sexual health issues, including STIs and pregnancy, can have severe consequences, including the potential for unsafe and often dangerous methods of managing these situations.
Again, limited knowledge only leads to risky behaviours and poor decision-making. The hush culture often accompanies stigma and shame surrounding sexual health topics. When individuals cannot openly discuss these issues, they may have internalised feelings of guilt and embarrassment, making it more challenging to seek help, access resources, or make informed decisions.
In communities like ours, where discussing sexual health is taboo, individuals may be deterred from seeking medical care or accessing sexual health services, including STI testing and contraception. This can result in delayed diagnosis and treatment of STIs and unintended pregnancies, leading to lots of complications.
In the absence of appropriate knowledge, individuals may resort to risky practices to address STIS or unplanned pregnancies, including getting the unregistered ‘agbo’ from a dodgy area to help them remove the pregnancy.
When students don't know, they find themselves in situations where they have to act on their own (seniors that use hangers for abortions in boarding school), leading to puncturing their uterus, inability to be pregnant in the future, infections > sepsis > death.
There is also the emotional and psychological impact of not addressing sexual health issues. Individuals will experience anxiety, depression, and guilt, leading to a negative impact on their overall mental well-being.
Hush culture perpetuates a cycle of silence, making it difficult for individuals to break free from these cultural norms and access the help and support they need. It has also led to generations of individuals who lack the knowledge and tools to make informed decisions about sexual health.
Whilst we are on this topic, let's do some public health education and Debunk some MYTHS.....
Mosquitoes spread HIV.
Because the virus is passed through blood, people have worried they could get it from biting or bloodsucking insects. Several studies show that doesn't happen, even in areas with lots of mosquitoes and cases of HIV.
When bugs bite, they don't inject the blood of the person or animal they bit before you. Also, HIV lives for only a short time inside them.
I can get HIV by being around HIV-positive people.
HIV isn't spread through touch, tears, sweat, saliva, or pee. You can't catch it by:
Breathing the same air
Touching a toilet seat or door handle
Drinking from a water fountain
Hugging, kissing, or shaking hands
Sharing eating utensils
Using exercise equipment at a gym
I could tell if my partner was HIV-positive.
You can have HIV without any symptoms for years. The only way for you or your partner to know you are positive is to get tested. The long period of asymptomatic infection is why the CDC recommends that everyone between 18 and 64 be tested at least once for routine blood work.
I'm straight and don't use IV drugs. I won't get HIV.
Many people believe HIV is only contracted between same-sex relationships. But you can get the virus from heterosexual contact with an infected person, too: About 1 in 6 men and 3 in 4 women do.
If I'm getting treatment, I can't spread the virus.
HIV treatments can lower the amount of virus in your blood to a level that doesn't appear in blood tests. This is called an undetectable viral load. Studies show that if your viral load is undetectable, you cannot transmit the virus sexually. But if you miss doses of your HIV meds or stop using them, you can pass the virus to others. So be sure to take them exactly as prescribed!
Herpes Simplex Virus
This is an STI that is often looked down on as many people believe it can only be contracted from fellatio. However, it is pretty easy to contract, like using a makeup lip tester that someone with an open cold sore used previously! Even kindergarteners can contract this!
An estimated 3.7 billion people under age 50 (67%) globally have herpes simplex virus type 1 (HSV-1) infection, the main cause of oral herpes.
An estimated 491 million people aged 15–49 (13%) worldwide have herpes simplex virus type 2 (HSV-2) infection, the main cause of genital herpes.
Most HSV infections are asymptomatic or unrecognized, but symptoms of herpes include painful blisters or ulcers that can recur over time.
Infection with HSV-2 increases the risk of acquiring and transmitting HIV infection.
Breaking the hush culture surrounding sex education is a vital step towards empowering individuals with knowledge, fostering healthy relationships, and ensuring informed choices. By openly discussing these critical topics, we can create a more inclusive, knowledgeable and responsible society where people are equipped to make decisions to promote the well-being of others. Let us continue to advocate for open dialogue, education and understanding from primary to tertiary education so everyone can navigate confidently and respectfully.
SEE YOU IN PART 3!
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