This article is in collaboration with Oyinkan Olagbaju, BSN.
Sex education is a crucial topic that has long been shrouded in taboo and discomfort, primarily because of the word ‘Sex’.
For many, it’s a subject that is riddled with awkwardness, misconception and, at times, misinformation.
But when it comes to preparing our children for the complex world of human sexuality, we must confront this discomfort head-on.
The simple truth is sex education should begin at home, and it should be a shared responsibility for both the boy and girl child. Early exposure and destigmatisation are paramount in ensuring our children are equipped with the knowledge and understanding they need to navigate the intricacies.
In a country where discussion of sexual education is often met with unease, it’s essential to break down the barrier that hinders open and honest conversation about the topic. Starting at home lays the foundation for a healthier and more informed approach to sex education. The school setting, too, plays a pivotal role in expanding this knowledge, and this is what we are going to be talking about today!
As educators, fostering an environment that encourages open dialogue and curiosity is vital. Acknowledging that sex education, is, at its core, health education, can help remove the stigma and misconception surrounding it.
It goes far beyond the cliched, “ when a mommy and daddy love each other very much..” And delves into various critical aspects, such as understanding puberty, dealing with bodily changes, menstruation and addressing topics like reproduction, consent, abstinence, contraception and the importance of safe sexual practices.
Enforcing a rule of no judgment and ensuring teachers are safe spaces by being open and not thinking of any question is a dumb question is a great way to approach.
The truth is kids know that sex is a thing and they talk. Kids have older siblings who talk. Kids have TV, social media, books and more. All of these different avenues communicate to them what their parents and schools don’t because ‘sex’ is a word that must never be said.
By providing a well-rounded education that includes these topics, we empower our children to make informed decisions and foster a deeper sense of respect and understanding for the diversity of human experiences and their bodies.
The consequences of inadequate sex education are evident in the challenges our society faces today. Issues including, sexual violence, a huge lack of understanding of how our bodies and how hormones work,
This is a big topic so we are going to take this topic in 3 parts;
All Things Puberty
Hush Culture
Teaching age-appropriate sex education.
So let's talk about Puberty!
The Menstrual Cycle.
With the premise that the youngest a secondary child can be is 10 or 11, I cannot stress menstrual cycle education enough. The ages of female children starting puberty are only getting younger with menarche (a girl’s first menstrual cycle) beginning as early as 8. This means not only are they navigating a big change in education curriculum they are navigating a big hormonal change that should be taken into account.
You could get your period anywhere and it can come in so many forms that may not be the stereotypical red rush with a bright red spot on your pants; you may get dark brown stains, and severe stomach pains, resembling the urge to poop!
Teach both boys and girls about the menstrual cycle!
It is very common practice to separate the boys and the girls when it is time to give ‘the talk’. This only fosters the idea that sex education is different for boys and girls and more often than not, puts the burden/ responsibility on the girl.
Teaching both boys and girls about menstruation is a vital aspect of comprehensive sex education that promotes gender equality, empathy, and healthy relationships. Understanding menstruation is essential for girls as it demystifies a natural process, empowering them to manage their health and hygiene confidently. However, it is equally important for boys to learn about menstruation as it breaks down stigmas and misconceptions, fostering empathy and respect for the experiences of the girls. This education not only reduces the potential for teasing or embarrassment but also contributes to a more inclusive and equal society. It encourages open dialogue about reproductive health, dismantles taboos, and helps young individuals develop the knowledge and respect needed for supportive, harmonious relationships, ultimately promoting a society where gender disparities are challenged and dismantled.
The knowledge Nigerian girls have about their menstrual cycle is abysmal. There is so much we are still learning about how our bodies change and the way we feel during different stages of our menstrual cycle.
We love story time here, so here is Oyinkan's story time:
No one ever taught me how to wear a pad. My friends, who also had no clue, and I had to navigate this one random day when one of us got our period.
1st year of college at 17, I used a tampon for the first time and my college roommate explained to me how to wear it. she said, “Hold the finger part, just put it in and push up”. But I did it without removing the plastic and was just walking around incredibly uncomfortable it wasn't until one time the plastic part came out first that I said “Maybe this is the right way?”
As crazy as this may sound, this is the reality for a lot of girls. They start their periods with absolutely no clue how to navigate it.
From as little as how to wear a pad/tampon to more things like navigating your emotions, and the many symptoms that come with it, particularly in school.
Boys tend to have a lot of misconceptions about when girls get their periods
They negate the woman’s emotions, feelings and pain whilst she is on her period. We all had a man tell us,
"I am sure it's not that painful anyway. You are just being dramatic"
They equate her being on her period to her “brain not working”
They equate her being on her period to being dirty. So when a girl mentions being on their period in school, all the boys will go, “eeeew”.
Then there is the bigger devil of equating when a young 10-year-old child gets her period, she is now a woman.
This mindset adds to the increasing sexual violence that occurs with young girls.
The miseducation around it begins to affect how they navigate relationships with their female friends and romantic relationships.
Subomi's Storytime.
I had a teacher. Let’s call her Ms Abiola.
She was in charge of giving pads and painkillers to girls who had their periods. I had horrible cramps in secondary school. I spent one week on painkillers, carrying hot water bottles to help subside the pain and drinking ginger tea to reduce my nausea and vomiting.
The worst thing that could happen to me was getting a period much earlier or later than was planned.
This tends to happen with stress and as it was exam season, I was stressed and therefore unprepared. Luckily, I always had a spare pad and extra underwear in my bag so getting stained was not the issue. However, for the first time, I had no painkillers in my period bag. As the day went on, my pain increased and became unbearable. I could no longer be the "strong woman" the world is so desperate for black women to be. I needed painkillers
I went to Ms Abiola to get a painkiller in tears as I struggled to walk to her office and she told me,
“You are making it too obvious that you are in pain and on your period. Do you want the boys to know?”
I remember very clearly letting her know that I didn’t give a damn If the boys knew I was on my period. I was in pain. That is all that matters.
The follow-up was “You are very rude” and I was denied painkillers.
My friend with painkillers borrowed me some.
But who denies a young girl painkillers because they are showing they are in pain? And the boys will know?
As if the boys hold any significance in the things happening in my body.
Let’s just say Ms. Abiola and I never really got along after this day.
The pain girls feel during their periods varies. You cannot take one person's experience and make it the standard. Some women feel low levels of pain, some have cramps so bad they cannot walk. Some people vomit, have headaches, period diarrhoea and so much more.
A lot of girls in Nigeria, have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) and they experience a lot more symptoms.
I could not walk when I had cramps and still did not have the worst period symptoms in my class!
Some girls have to go as far as skipping school for a couple of days to be hospitalised because it can be that bad.
Let’s debunk some myths;
Here is a link to the study done on 'Always' pads
Our Recommendation: Use 'bodyform' or 'L'!
Things you should teach all kids about the menstrual cycle!
The amount of times you need to change this varies according to your type of flow and the type of tampons you buy.
Nigeria is a hot country. A lot of girls on their periods experience hot flashes or heat from within. This leads to more sweating and overall discomfort.
Take at least 2 showers on your period.
You can get TSS from tampons, menstrual cups, contraceptive diaphragm or cap, after vaginal birth or a Caesarean section, or from a cut wound, boil or burn that has become infected
How to avoid this
wash your hands and follow the instructions when using tampons, menstrual cups, contraceptive caps and diaphragms, and do not leave them in longer than needed or recommended
keep cuts and burns clean, and look out for signs of infection, such as a rash, swelling or pain
The Flo app is an amazing resource that helps you navigate your changes at different points of your menstrual cycle!
What is not regular is having 2 periods in a month or not seeing your period for many months. The normal period cycle varies from 28-35 days. Speak to a doctor if your period cycle is abnormal.
Talking about Puberty, particularly for girls, often starts and ends with periods.
Children, both boys and girls, get acne, emotional irregularities, body and voice changes and so much more. Students at this stage of life should be treated as people going through puberty and their feelings should not be invalidated.
Boys and Puberty!
I spoke with several boys regarding their experiences during puberty and how they managed these changes.
They frequently discussed sudden intense sex drives and heightened emotions, particularly anger and rage.
They expressed:
"No one guided me through dealing with random erections and 'blue balls'; it felt like my abdomen was about to explode."
"No one taught me how to shave."
"I experienced growing pains due to rapid growth, leading to excruciating back spasms."
Their responses varied, encompassing emotional management, dealing with physical discomfort, and maintaining hygiene.
However, a recurring theme was:
Their mothers and grandmothers taught them how to be clean and wash their private parts and body
Their fathers said nothing about anything.
Schools and society dismissed their feelings, hormones and emotions.
Even for educating boys about their bodies, emotions and hormones, the burden is on the women in society who know nothing about these and can only say "Just be clean"
Consequently, they sought information from the internet, TV, and popular culture, sources not always reliable for accurate and appropriate guidance.
I guess the bigger question is:
Do their fathers even know how to navigate emotions and urges? How do you teach what you don't know?
Who educates boys on navigating emotions? This dearth of knowledge becomes apparent as they grow older, struggling to articulate their feelings, fearing being labelled 'feminine' or 'weak.'
Dealing with emotional fluctuations is rarely discussed for boys, as society discourages them from displaying certain emotions. They're allowed to be angry but not to express other feelings openly.
This creates a cycle of boys in a society who navigate this poorly and make the girls and other boys in their lives the recipients of behaviours they have learnt from uncensored spaces.
If society fails to provide comprehensive education to boys and girls about their bodies and emotions, who imparts this knowledge in a safe, non-judgmental space?
Now unto my favourite part!
Supporting students through the challenges of puberty requires a holistic approach that includes education, open communication, and a safe and inclusive environment.
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